The Zellbaca Chronicles

THE TONY

For most people, there is... the OTHER. This OTHER can take a variety of shapes. It's the entity that a person is known having with them. It differs from a trademark, you see. For the OTHER is often something a person is obligated to keep in one’s presence, be it for entertaining others, or just because there is no choice in the matter. For some it's a guitar. For others it's a car. For me, it is the Tony.

The Tony is an amazing creature. It has almost human brain capacity, unexpected strength, and has a deep affection for an elderly dishwasher named Monty. It has a profound preference towards women of Asian decent, lesbian or otherwise.

It is very handy, however. It will fix my car, do my dishes, buy me toilet paper, and countless other tasks I couldn't POSSIBLY be bothered with myself, given my busy schedule of sitting on the couch and sleeping. It's most valuable, however, as a source of entertainment.

It also has a tendency to recall pointless and trite events that others have long since forgotten. Its other habits include playing vapid video games into the ground, watching Elimi-date, concocting oatmeal additives, and eating breakfast cereal one piece at a time while the bag rests on top of the fridge.

The Tony is the real star of The Zellbaca Chronicles. I predict soon the entire globe will be echoing, “Dammit, Tony!”